About Margaret Camilyan

I am a Polish writer based in England. The situations that happened in my life inspired me to write a Fairytale.

My pen name "Margaret Camilyan" comes from the English equivalent of my name (Małgorzata) and the combined names of my sons - older Jan and younger Kamil. When writing books, I wanted to leave a part of myself, and since children are my greatest treasure, I also wanted to put them in my pseudonym so that they would know what they are important to me. Naturally, I only changed the first letters of their names so that the pseudonym would also sound good when I publish the books in English.

Currently, I have published two books, one of which has been auctioned off at the Great Orchestra of Christmas Charity auctions, and both have been sent to the hospice in Gdańsk. They are linked and make up the series "The Orange of Life". Return to the Swamp is part three of this series.

I am glad that the readership is growing, not only in Poland, but also in England.

English Translation

According to Eurostat, the number of single-parent families in Europe has increased sevenfold in recent years. Most of them live in Great Britain. How many immigrant single parents are immigrants, statistics do not show, but why is their number constantly growing? Do they do it by choice, or do they become them as a result of life circumstances?

- I wondered for a long time whether or not I was ready to be a mother. I decided to be a parent when I was 24 years old and at the age of 27 I was already a mother of two wonderful sons - says Małgosia Jabłońska from Luton, a hairdresser by profession, a writer by passion. She proves that despite broke up with her children’s father, she has someone to live for.

Why did you say to yourself ‘enough is enough’?

- There is 20 months’ difference between my boys. The slight difference in age took its toll on every possible occasion, and it was quite difficult for me to deal with it. The father of the children was constantly at work, did not understand my position, and the pressure was getting stronger. Then the quarrels and quarrels began... My grandmother used to say: start changes from yourself. I'm sure she was right. I became calmer, I started to enjoy small things where I probably would not have noticed them previously. I appreciate the time spent with my family in Poland and the time with my children, and our Fridays are the best at all: we lie on the sofa, cuddling up to each other and watching different film genres, discussing them in the meantime.

When did you get to the UK?

- In 2004. I was only supposed to be here for 2 weeks, and in March it will be 15 years when I live here. At some point I began to feel lonely and helpless. I had poor English, but I worked as much as I could: I was a waitress, maid, nanny, warehouse operative... Then I met my children’s father - our older son was born in 2005, the younger in 2007. At the time when my children started suffer from several illnesses and in the UK nobody could help, I went to Poland for some time. After returning to England at the age of 28, I had to manage on my own. I broke the stubbornness to make ends meet, I reported to the council, filled out forms and sent back with the help of a friend. I wanted to live a dignified life and, like every mother, financially secure my livelihood.

How do you cope financially?

- Since I was a child, I have been told that as a hairdresser I will be able to feed myself. Unfortunately, this money is not enough, but it helps to pay bills, school trips for boys, fuel and daily expenses. Children maintenances (which I don't have much of) are spent on trainings. Child support money is only used for education purposes.

Do you manage to combine work with raising children?

- From the very beginning, the children were with me, they went to kindergarten very early, so I could work here and there. Now I work only in the morning, the day before I prepare dinner, so that the next day the children have everything ready. In the afternoons I take them for training, school meetings, swimming competitions. When I am very busy, I can count on friends to pick up children, but these are sporadic situations.

How do you rate your financial support?

- I cannot complain. So far, the council has helped me a lot as a single mother. The fact that children could stay in kindergarten 15 hours a week for free and under good care gave me the freedom to work and develop. I attended free English and math, I did training because I know it will help me when the kids go their own way. I have always invested money from the council in boys' education.

Have you had days when you regretted your decisions?

- I made the decision to live in England and never regretted it. I will not separate my children from their father, they must keep in touch with each other. I personally didn't have it, and it affected my life, but I had a wonderful grandfather who replaced my father in so many ways. Perhaps a situation that was in my house, and which I could not agree to – disrespect, lack of love and other things that accumulated – did not allow me to create a full family, but I created a complete healthy family environment – we celebrate holidays, keep traditions, remember birthdays and contact with loved ones in Poland. I had worse days, wondering what to do next, how I would cope. In addition, I was ashamed to share my problems with anyone, and when I did, I heard over and over again ‘get yourself together’, ‘carry on, it will be better’, ‘go to court for maintenance’. People talked were spreading rumours behind my back, what makes me stop trusting them much and I have learnt to avoid fake friends in my life.

As if that wasn't enough, since 2015, the officials here have begun to doubt whether I am actually alone. They demanded confirmations and documents that I live alone without a partner, asked for child support, where children go to school, and added that they think they live like a husband and wife because my ex-partner uses my address to handle financial matters. When I found out it was true, I had no argument – I had no idea what he was doing, what he was actually doing with his life, and why I should suffer the colossal consequences of his actions. After 30 days, I received a letter from the court because I did not agree with their decision. I had no other choice, I had to talk to my ex-partner to provide all the documents from work and confirm the address where he currently lives. A letter has now been sent to the court with tones of documents from both sides confirming that we do not live together. If this proves to be insufficient and I lose the court case, I will have to give back £14,000. In addition, they suspended most of the benefits and after returning from holiday in Poland my financial situation was so bad, that I had no other choice than ask friends for help. However, I am of good cheer and I continue to maintain that I have no regrets.

Do you have any advice for parents raising children alone?

- When I was left alone, I blamed myself for it. It took me a long time to understand that the there’s always two sides to a story. My life experience has taught me to enjoy the moment to invest in myself, even if you don't see a chance of success at the moment. Sometimes after the birth of a child there are periods of breakdown: the lack of loved ones and family warmth make you do not want to get up from the sofa. You can't give up on yourself just because most of the time is spent on children, sometimes it's worth feeling that we're alive. We are not meaningless, we are strong women, because we have taken the fight to raise children ourselves. Maybe we've been abandoned, maybe we've contributed to it, but that's no reason to blame the whole world. The gift of having a child and the miracle we have been given to becoming mother rewards all the harm.

Have you ever wanted to fall in love yet? Reassert life alongside a man?

- I've been lonely for almost 10 years. It's hard for me to open up to someone new because I know what they want, and the fear that a stranger might hurt my children doesn't allow me to break through to create a real relationship. I'm not saying I've never tried, but the way of being some men, and their thinking, lack of responsibility and selfishness, has blocked me even more. Even though it is very difficult to raise children myself in a foreign country, I do not give up, I go further and hope that in the next 10 years I will be proud of my sons.

Your great ally is writing books. Is it an escape from reality or something more?

- Writing makes the world seem more interesting, you want to know more about it and then you can put everything down in writing, it makes you create characters, events or places where you want to put them. It is a surprisingly escape from what surrounds me. I feel blissful, I forget what worries me, I'm glad the moment that I can at least for a moment be Margaret Camilyan (author’s pseudonym). "Orange of Life" is a book in which the reader can understand how children are important to me. And even though I can't give them a sumptuous home or a good car, I want them to go back to this book. A book that talks about the mother's relentless love for children. What has happened in my life over the last dozen years in the foreign land has taught me humility, respect for the tiniest thing a person can achieve. I know it's worth chasing dreams and investing in yourself. Some have super shoes, and I have two books published. Next June, I plan to publish my third book.

Do you have any dreams?

- I want to be healthy and strong enough for me to continue to enjoy being the mother of two wonderful boys and can help them at every stage of their life.